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Lens revamp of the day...and some thoughts on the "RocketMoms" business
This morning's lens spruce-up project was my guide to Coping with Infertility during the Holiday Season. None of my infertility lenses are real "blockbusters" (no surprise there, it's one of those topics people generally don't like to think or talk about) but it's important for me to keep working on raising awareness and providing support to others going through this struggle. There's just so many little ways that people in the "fertile world" don't realize they're being insensitive or misinformed about infertility, so whatever I can try to do to open a few eyes is important to me.
Which brings up a sort of related topic, and one of those "little things" that bugs me. Squidoo's RocketMoms Project.
Uh-oh, I hear you saying. But really, I want to get this out and really explain my issues with the whole thing - in my own space, my own blog, so this is not a criticism of anyone involved in the project nor me trying to get in their face about it. I've been accused of "bashing" the program in the SquidU forum, which I absolutely am not interested in doing. I think it's great to recognize that Squidoo is a wonderful opportunity for many stay-at-home moms to earn some extra money, or working moms to find a way to share on topics helpful to other moms. It's great to have a female-centric space for encouraging creativity, great writing, challenging and promoting each other. And hey, if that female-centric space is to be an exclusive club for moms, so be it.
This is what punches me in the gut every time I see a RocketMoms page or lens.
"ROCKETMOMS: The Smartest Women On The Web"
"That's right. We're moms, therefore we're smarter than NON-moms. We're better than you. You can never be as smart as us." At least, that's the message that catchphrase sends off to me. It's an echo of the feeling of inferiority and failure that so many women dealing with infertility struggle with daily, trying to convince ourselves that it's NOT true:
I can't have children, therefore I'm less of a woman.
You know, two little additional words and I'd be so much more comfortable with the RocketMoms thing. Why can't it be "ROCKETMOMS: SOME OF The Smartest Women On The Web"? Why make it sound so clearly like women who aren't moms CAN'T be some of the smartest women on the internet?
I know it's just supposed to be a catchy little tag line. But again, that's my point. The fertile world doesn't see how a "little thing" like two small words can make a difference in showing the infertile world acceptance.
Oh, I've been assured I "could still" join RocketMoms if I wanted, if I considered myself a "mom" because I have pets. Yeah, well, lol, no, I don't. I share my home with my pets and I love them and they are family. But I am not their "mom". I don't feel like a mom at all. I will not feel like a mom until the day I have a child, be it my own by some miracle or through adoption (through an equally unlikely miracle at this point in time.) To join the RocketMoms, being an activist for infertility as I am, would just feel like an utter betrayal of my fellow infertility sufferers. I'd feel like a cheat and a pretender, and the benefits of the extra challenges, promotion and community of the group would just pale so much in comparison.
Again, I'm sure people will say I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, obsessing over things that aren't important, making "the world" all about me, me, me and my problems. But it's NOT just me. When 1 in 8 couples are dealing with infertility, when millions of women are dealing with infertility today, that's a lot of women left hoping not only for a cure, but for the rest of the world that takes their fertility for granted to someday open their eyes to this very real, and very devastating, illness and struggle.
It's why I love Lady Saw's song about infertility so much and included it on the lens. I'm no less a woman because of infertility. I'm as much of a woman as any mother. I just sometimes need to remind myself of that fact when so much of the rest of the world seems to believe otherwise.
Which brings up a sort of related topic, and one of those "little things" that bugs me. Squidoo's RocketMoms Project.
Uh-oh, I hear you saying. But really, I want to get this out and really explain my issues with the whole thing - in my own space, my own blog, so this is not a criticism of anyone involved in the project nor me trying to get in their face about it. I've been accused of "bashing" the program in the SquidU forum, which I absolutely am not interested in doing. I think it's great to recognize that Squidoo is a wonderful opportunity for many stay-at-home moms to earn some extra money, or working moms to find a way to share on topics helpful to other moms. It's great to have a female-centric space for encouraging creativity, great writing, challenging and promoting each other. And hey, if that female-centric space is to be an exclusive club for moms, so be it.
This is what punches me in the gut every time I see a RocketMoms page or lens.
"ROCKETMOMS: The Smartest Women On The Web"
"That's right. We're moms, therefore we're smarter than NON-moms. We're better than you. You can never be as smart as us." At least, that's the message that catchphrase sends off to me. It's an echo of the feeling of inferiority and failure that so many women dealing with infertility struggle with daily, trying to convince ourselves that it's NOT true:
I can't have children, therefore I'm less of a woman.
You know, two little additional words and I'd be so much more comfortable with the RocketMoms thing. Why can't it be "ROCKETMOMS: SOME OF The Smartest Women On The Web"? Why make it sound so clearly like women who aren't moms CAN'T be some of the smartest women on the internet?
I know it's just supposed to be a catchy little tag line. But again, that's my point. The fertile world doesn't see how a "little thing" like two small words can make a difference in showing the infertile world acceptance.
Oh, I've been assured I "could still" join RocketMoms if I wanted, if I considered myself a "mom" because I have pets. Yeah, well, lol, no, I don't. I share my home with my pets and I love them and they are family. But I am not their "mom". I don't feel like a mom at all. I will not feel like a mom until the day I have a child, be it my own by some miracle or through adoption (through an equally unlikely miracle at this point in time.) To join the RocketMoms, being an activist for infertility as I am, would just feel like an utter betrayal of my fellow infertility sufferers. I'd feel like a cheat and a pretender, and the benefits of the extra challenges, promotion and community of the group would just pale so much in comparison.
Again, I'm sure people will say I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, obsessing over things that aren't important, making "the world" all about me, me, me and my problems. But it's NOT just me. When 1 in 8 couples are dealing with infertility, when millions of women are dealing with infertility today, that's a lot of women left hoping not only for a cure, but for the rest of the world that takes their fertility for granted to someday open their eyes to this very real, and very devastating, illness and struggle.
It's why I love Lady Saw's song about infertility so much and included it on the lens. I'm no less a woman because of infertility. I'm as much of a woman as any mother. I just sometimes need to remind myself of that fact when so much of the rest of the world seems to believe otherwise.